Control — July 27, 2015

Control

Anyone out there struggle with relinquishing control? I know I do.

First, a fertility update: the HSC is done! And the results were positive. A true answer to prayer. No surgery needed at this time!! I was scared about this procedure. I was scared about the results as well. But mostly, the sedation/twilight is what really had me worried. Didn’t like the idea of not being in control. Afterward, I felt fine, but drowsy and that made me nervous. Like I had no control over how I was feeling.

This leads me to my second point. Anxiety. Anyone else worry about this stuff? Maybe just me. When I have a set back (semi-panic attack in public), all I can think about is, do I have any control over this stuff? I don’t like losing control. I know this about myself. Losing control usually worries me more than the thing itself. But, the first thing they tell you to do, is to surrender and accept it. This is so true in so many other areas of our life. For instance, how am I trusting God if I’m trying to control every aspect of my life? I don’t know…

Today’s mantra: I surrender all!

Friendship — July 20, 2015

Friendship

What does friendship mean to you? To me, it means connection, empathy, fun and much more. This journey has illuminated these relationships in my life. It’s allowed me to experience a supernatural support from so many amazing people. I didn’t know this kind of compassion existed, but it does and we (hubs and I) have these incredible people in our lives! We’re scared and we’re not sure where we’ll end up, but either way, we have family and friends that support and love us.

Sometimes I wonder if somehow I’ll be less of a wife or even a woman if I can’t have a baby. But I know that WE will be okay no matter what happens because of the people God’s placed in our lives and will cross our paths in the future.

My friend, Marsha sent me the most heartfelt message this past week. I cried in the Publix parking lot while reading it. She said that she was praying for us and believed we are going through this to minister to others who might be going through the same thing and that the fear I’m feeling will help in relating to those that we help. She also said that she really believed that I’d be a momma someday. Oh shoot–there are those tears again…

HSC – ya Later! — July 13, 2015

HSC – ya Later!

Today I scheduled our last test before entering into IVF, the HSC. It’s involved! This test will help determine whether surgery is needed to remove my fibroid and if it’s in fact causing us issues. Tomorrow is the pre-op appointment and the procedure is in a few weeks. I’m nervous. Well…I waiver. I know God’s got this, but I do get nervous and overwhelmed with all this info and what-ifs. They’ve prescribed birth control in preparation for the procedure. Nervous about that too, especially since I’ve never been on it! Always leery of side effects :{

Self love check-in: Watching Ellen at the moment while I type this. She always makes me smile.

Free — July 7, 2015

Free

This past week I’ve been making my way through a YouVersion reading plan called Worry by Markey Motsinger. It’s been hitting so close to home. Here are some tasty nuggets of wisdom I bookmarked from it:

“God’s peace acts as a protective hedge for our heart and mind. It keeps our mind from being engulfed and overwhelmed with thoughts that lead to nothing but destruction, un-productivity and hurt. It stops our heart from becoming so heavy that we give up. God rarely just makes our problems disappear but He will provide us with a peace that allows us to think clearly, take the next step and to plan for tomorrow. His peace is a reminder that He is in control and that we don’t need to be paralyzed with worry or bitter with grief and anger”

I find this so comforting. Knowing that God is in control and that I don’t need to be held back by my worry, bitterness, sadness, or whatever I’m feeling. He can and will bring a super natural peace and FREE us from all that plagues us. I realize our challenges wont disappear, but believing that He will deliver us from our distress and replace it with peace and His plan is awesome!

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