Okay so my FUNK fog has been building all weekend. Ever get that way? Seems to start when I’m supposed to be having a good time. Like the FUNK (aka enemy) has to invade my good time. I know I’m anticipating our final IVF appointment tomorrow. I’m scared, sad and a smidgen excited. Hoping that smidgen continues to grow.

I woke up today and the fog slowly rolled in. By mid day, the sunshine started to break through. I reached out to my friends and co-workers and shared with them. I even cried to them. It helped. I needed it.

Last week my counselor suggested I start a log to see how “well” I’m living. I took this hard. I took it to mean that if I “failed” then perhaps going back on meds would be a solution. I might have mentioned this in one of my former entries, I was on meds about 3 years back to help with anxiety. I didn’t like being on it, but for the most part, it helped. I went off of it when we started trying. I was only on it for about a year. It’s tough to accept help (meds or otherwise). I don’t know if this will be where I end up, but I’m doing my best to surrender to God’s plan and “help” in whatever form it may take.

Maybe today it’s your turn. Jesus has a message for you. It has nothing to do with your qualifications. It has to do with coming to the end of yourself, because that’s when God can use you in the very best way. By his grace, and by nothing you can offer, he chooses you. –from Chosen (bible.com)

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