Day 7 — September 28, 2015

Day 7

Day 7 of stims! Ultrasound and blood work this morning. Twelve follies total. Seven are measurable. So happy about this, but man am I starting to feel it. Cramping, bloat, headache. Ugh. Worked from home today and dreading having to go in tomorrow. So grateful to have this flexibility at work. Hoping that this passes and my body adjusts and I feel well enough to go in. Not feeling well obviously triggers my anxiety and doing anything right now makes me feel very vulnerable.

We have another ultrasound and blood work on Wednesday morning. Again, props to my hubs for being the most amazing partner on this journey. We are trying to take one day at a time…this is so easy to write and say but not always as easy to put into practice.

Time to reflect on the good…I’ve made it this far! Seven days of shots. A total of 13 shots in my stomach, only one bruise, and I’m still here! When I find myself spiraling toward the negative, I remember to TRUST. I trust Him in me. I don’t always remember to do this, but when I do, it certainly helps.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. -Psalm 56:3

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Day 3 — September 24, 2015

Day 3

Day 3 of stims. Had blood work this morning. I was so nervous! Nervous because it felt so much more real and that my levels would be insufficient and my meds would get upped. However…I’m in the normal range and meds are staying the same. Hallelujah! Ultrasound and more blood work on Saturday. Ahhhh!!!!

The Facebook support group I joined is such a great resource. Met someone in there that lives close by, has the same doc and started stims the same day as me. Amazing! Total God wink 😉

The shots themselves are going okay. Not painful and hubs sets it all up for me and I do in the actual injection. He’s such an awesome teammate. I came home last night to signs posted all over the house. Signs of encouragement telling me I’m a rock star, brave and that I can do it! I love him and I’m beyond grateful that he loves me back. God is strengthening our marriage through this journey. Something else to be thankful for 🙂

Day 1 — September 22, 2015

Day 1

Ahhhh! It’s here! Day 1 of stims (IVF stimulation) is here!!!! I’ve been dreading it and it’s finally here. My first injection was this morning. Hubs helped a ton and all I really had to do was the actual injection. Not bad at all. My anxiety is really around the side effects. About losing my mind (hormones) and feeling like crap. I’m so worried about that. I still have an injection tonight and I’m hoping that’s not so bad either. In addition to starting stims, Aunt Flo arrived today and that does not help because that really runs me down and makes me feel bad. So, although I think most of my stuff is being caused by that, I’m in my head thinking, is this the meds making me feel like this? I need to stop!

I hope to blog every day of stims. I also want to give a bit shout out to my new IVF support group. A wonderful friend suggested I look into Facebook support groups and I’m so glad I did. I have connected with amazing women and men around this journey. I’m not alone! And my wonderful husband joined as well. I’m hoping for positive results (baby) at the end of this journey, but right now I’m so appreciative of the love and support around me.

God gave me super natural peace last night and allowed me to rest before this day. I’m so grateful for that. I hope to continue trusting Him and allowing myself to stay in the moment – be grateful for the moment – and take one HOUR at a time.

Trust — September 14, 2015

Trust

So lately I’ve been focused on trust. Trusting God vs. trusting myself. What does it mean to fully trust God and is it okay to trust ourselves? Where is the line? Is there a line? So lately I’ve been telling myself this, “Trust Him in me”. Might sound weird, but this gives me confidence and comfort knowing that He’s always with and in me. If I truly let go and let God I feel that release. That release of needing to always have it together and be in control. It’s freeing. This has been a tremendous help with my anxiety. Also, my small church group last week prayed over me and reminded me of the Footprints poem. I used to love this poem when I was growing up. I’m just now realizing how true it is.

On the fertility front, we have our baseline ultrasound and blood work this Friday. Plan to order the meds tomorrow and I believe we’ll be starting stimulation this weekend. I’m certainly nervous, but one day/one hour at a time is what I’m trying to practice along with trusting in Him and Him in me.

Thirty day Word challenge still going on and loving it #30dayword

Love you guys!

IVFness — September 7, 2015

IVFness

Okay so we had our final IVF appt. this past week. Still not sure why they call it that when it’s actually the beginning of the madness. It was 3.5 hours long and in the end we thought we were going blind from paperwork and decisions. My head was swarming and I was actually looking forward to work as a break from it.

I started taking the meds – at least the first one – last night. First it’s birth control and then in a few weeks I get my baseline ultrasound. This will determine treatment day 1. Sounds so ominous doesn’t it? DAY 1. Day 1 of shots, day 1 of extreme doubt and anxiety, day 1 of torture. I know it’s not good to think all those things, but it’s how I feel right now. I’m trying hard to stay positive, but man it is a challenge.

In an effort to stay positive and exit this negativity train, our church just started a 30 day challenge. Read scripture in the morning and evening and journal about what we’ve read. We started this morning. It couldn’t have come at a better time. Looking forward to focusing on Him and not on myself playing what feels like the never ending “What If” game :{

Life quote:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. –Philippians 4:6 NIV

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