So 2 days ago I had my egg retrieval. It went well. I was super ready due to the cramps I was having that morning. I was the last one scheduled for the day. I got comfy in the waiting room and watched HGTV while playing Candy Crush and chatted with the hubs. I was grateful for how well it went. They retrieved 12 eggs. I was thrilled with this number. Yesterday we got the call about how many “made it”. The embryologist reported that only 11 were retrieved. One might have fallen apart once removed. From the 11, 7 were immature. That leaves us with 4. From the 4, 2 fertilized normally and the other 2 abnormally. They will continue watching the 2 abnormal ones. I was heartbroken. I cried for about an hour. Now we wait another 4 days to see if they make it to the biopsy (genetic testing) and freeze. I’m trying with all my might to stay in a semi-hopeful holding pattern.

This is tough. No doubt about it. It’s TOUGH. I question (often) if this is worth it. Do I want to be a mom that badly? Is God trying to tell me something? Maybe I’m not cut out to be a mom. But something…someone…God some how keeps me moving toward this goal. Where have I gathered this strength to not only endure this journey, but share it? I’m finding gratitude in that.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! – Psalm 27:14

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