Tumor Humor — November 24, 2015

Tumor Humor

I love this time of year. It’s a time of praise, gratitude, celebration, and reflection. Thinking back, I am especially thankful for a particular person that has greatly influenced my life and current path in life.

He graced my world about 10 years ago. I don’t remember our introduction, but right out of the gate, he was asking me to do things that made me uncomfortable. I believe he saw potential in me. We were in community together at Discovery Church. We both belonged to DVAT (Discovery Visual Arts Team). This was my first small group! It was a great experience. As I grew with this team, our bond strengthened and he continued asking me to try new things. I jumped into camera work, producing, and presently, facilitating online services. He left me with this last task to lead for him.

His name was Bernard DeLoach. He was my pastor, friend, mentor, and a father-like figure in my life.

You might be wondering, what’s with the title of this post? Well, in Bernard’s final year of life, he lived with brain cancer. He would post wonderful inspiring nuggets of wisdom and fun facts on Facebook. He called it “Tumor Humor.” One of his last installments:

“Tumor Humor: Don’t know what to think when a hospice nurse says, ‘Let him eat whatever he wants.’ –Hold on. I think I hear the Ben and Jerry’s delivery truck pulling up!” – December 15, 2014 (two weeks before he passed away).

He looked his illness in the eye and said, “I’m here and God has a plan for me”. Bernard wasn’t afraid to share his journey with others. He shared all the joy, pain, sorrow, and faith with the world. I’m so incredibly thankful for this because he has taught me that in this life we have to be real and when we are, we can truly connect with others.

I don’t know what Bernard would think about where I am on this infertility path and journey, but I do know that he would support me and tell me to share it. Share my season, my storm, my gratitude with others. Well I’m doing it friend. I hear you. I miss you. I love you. Until we meet again, thank you for blessing my life with your spirit.

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One Week — November 17, 2015

One Week

It’s amazing how much can change in one week. Last week was a dark, scary, and stressful time. It was a not-so-fun combo of Aunt Flo, deciding to do the transfer and then starting the meds. This week is calmer and more settled. Hormones seem to be stabilizing. Thank you Lord.

Every day is new and it is absolutely necessary to stay in the present. Counselor affirmed me last week by saying she was glad we made the decision to do the transfer because it allows me/us to focus on the here and now. Here and now we have the one little embryo waiting for us. Going through a fresh round of IVF and banking more embryos would have been focusing on the future. Didn’t think of it like that, but so glad to hear that perspective.

Let’s conclude with a few positive affirmations:
We are strong – I am STRONG
We are courageous – I am COURAGEOUS
We are loved – I AM LOVED

Transfer Smansfer — November 10, 2015

Transfer Smansfer

So the last time I wrote, it was the day before our consult. We got through it, but it was not what we expected. We thought we were going in there to discuss our transfer, but instead we were introduced to another option. The other option being to hold off on the transfer and bank more embryos. I was really caught off guard. I think we both were. I was overwhelmed with both options and of course cried while we met with him (not my first time). He said, “You have a problem with your personality. You’re emotional and controlling.” Tell me something I don’t know!

So all week has been a roller coaster of emotions around this decision. Do we do it or do we wait and go through this again? We made the choice today. We are doing the TRANSFER! So tough to arrive at this decision, but we did. We are grateful to all our family and friends that listened and imparted their wisdom and advice on us. We’re blessed to have both options and either one is not wrong. So, we’re taking a leap of faith and doing it! I’m terrified and excited.

My anxiety is still flying high from emotions and hormones galore! My current issue: grocery store check out lines. Man, no fun. But! I realize my stress has to come out in some form or fashion and this just happens to be it right now. This too shall pass…For those of you on this infertility path, I applaud you and appreciate you. This stuff isn’t easy and I’m so honored to be able to share this journey with you all. It’s everything to know that I’m not alone in this.

Tomorrow — November 2, 2015

Tomorrow

It is here. Tomorrow, we have our consult about our transfer. I’m so nervous. Excited too. Okay so to battle my nerves. I’m gonna make a gratitude list here and now.

1 – I am grateful for IVF (this is a shocker to me)

2 – Grateful for our doc and nurses

3 – For my hubs attending the appt. with me

4 – For another day of vacation (practicing self-love)

5 – For the love and support in my life (you know who you are)

There are many more, but you know I like to keep my blog posts short. These are the top 5 that are coming to mind right now.

Something else to be grateful for – We just got back from vacation. It was great. Took me a while to unwind (not that I fully know how to do that), but it was needed. Hubs and I did a jet ski tour and it was a blast! Nothing like going full throttle to make your troubles melt away. Perhaps this should be a part of a typical IVF protocol 😉

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