Practice Makes Peace

After a somewhat meditative Monday, I’m happy to be sitting on the couch watching a hallmark movie. Work was a bit stressful, but overall I could feel God carrying me through.

Speaking of spiritual support, hubs and I made it through our IVF consult last week. It was nerve-wracking, but it was better than I expected. No pushing surgery, just a friendly discussion (as friendly as IVF can be) about our last round and what’s next. So what is next? We are in the process of prepping for another round. Currently on BC and next appointment is Wednesday to discuss meds and protocol. I know I’ll be a nervous nelly, but I will continue to practice TRUST.

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. – Psalm 9:10

 

Giving in

Tomorrow is our consult to discuss next steps. We will most likely talk about our failed cycle, next IVF round and possibly surgery. Not my favorite topics, but I’m going to come armed with questions and chamomile tea.

Yesterday, hubs and I had a heart to heart. I had trouble articulating what I was thinking and feeling, but to sum it up – I don’t want to give up. However, I struggle with wanting to do my part and surrendering to God’s plan.

I’ve  come to the realization that it’s not about giving up. It’s about giving in. I want to let go and let God. I want to accept my anxiety, OCD and infertility and know that God has a plan for me.

Tonight, I’ll be kind to myself. I’ll eat pasta, watch tv (Good Witch & Dancing with the Stars), read, write and sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll take the next step to growing our family.

 

Renewal

Renewal is defined as an instance of resuming an activity or state after an interruption.

This is my current life situation. We’re about to resume our infertility journey. After our failed IVF cycle in January, I instantly thought “I’ll do it again!” We will try again. But it’s not that easy. It takes a lot to restore the strength to try for something that is completely out of your control. So I’m learning. I’m learning to let go and let God. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13

Renewal is also defined as the replacing or repair of something that is worn out, run-down, or broken.

I think there’s a picture of me next to this definition. Life during infertility is exhausting. I have often felt broken and damaged. It is a heartbreaking and emotional experience. But with the dark comes the light and therein lies the renewal and eventually hope. “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16

I hope this spring season bring renewal to you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. God restores us and He can and will renew us all.