Tomorrow is our consult to discuss next steps. We will most likely talk about our failed cycle, next IVF round and possibly surgery. Not my favorite topics, but I’m going to come armed with questions and chamomile tea.

Yesterday, hubs and I had a heart to heart. I had trouble articulating what I was thinking and feeling, but to sum it up – I don’t want to give up. However, I struggle with wanting to do my part and surrendering to God’s plan.

I’ve  come to the realization that it’s not about giving up. It’s about giving in. I want to let go and let God. I want to accept my anxiety, OCD and infertility and know that God has a plan for me.

Tonight, I’ll be kind to myself. I’ll eat pasta, watch tv (Good Witch & Dancing with the Stars), read, write and sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll take the next step to growing our family.