which way is up? — May 24, 2019

which way is up?

I’ve been reading the Undaunted Devotional by Christine Caine and today’s question is:

When has it felt like life turned you upside down?

Good question. My first thought is, losing my job made me feel like my life was turned upside down. I’ve never lost a job before. Being laid off is not fun. But oddly enough, I also felt like my life was being turned right side up at the same time.

I would describe myself as a worker bee. I think it’s in my blood. I like to work. However, as I get older, I’m slowly realizing what a toll it can take. Not slowing down. Not taking care of myself. Not finding balance with work and life.  I’ve put a lot of my self-worth in what I do and how I do it. God is breaking this thought pattern…and I’m grateful for that.


Thursday — May 23, 2019


Went to the pool today with a new friend and splashed around with the kids. It was fun. How often do you allow yourself to have fun? I’m not so good at it, but I’m getting better. I used to associate fun with being unproductive or irresponsible, but once you have a kid…fun is a necessity.

PLAY is such a release. I don’t think we ever realize how much we need it until we deprive ourselves of it. One time I came home from work and sat under the kitchen table with my kid. We tore up paper and threw it up in the air. Sounds messy, but isn’t life in general messy? I would rather have fun making a mess I know I can clean up instead of fixating on the mess that is life and know that I can’t clean it up.

Take away: Have fun! Play. Find the inner kid in you this summer and embrace them.


Mother’s Day — May 12, 2019

Mother’s Day

This used to be a hard day for me. Still is in some ways. I remember thinking how cool it would be to announce that I’m pregnant on Mother’s Day. But year after year I wasn’t. At church this morning they prayed for all the women (new moms, moms of teens, moms who have lost children, caretakers of moms, desiring to be a mom). Tears rolled down my cheeks as I held out my hands to receive the blessing. Our fertility journey was a hard time in our lives and motherhood holds it’s own challenges. But I’m grateful for the following:

  • Being with my mom this morning as we ran to the bagel store and coffeeshop before anyone else was awake in the house.
  • Seeing my 2-year old run out of his room with a Lionel Richie t-shirt with my Mother’s Day card in his hands.
  • For church. The message this morning was phenomenal! https://subsplash.com/discovery/messages
  • Floating in the pool with my neighbors, mother-in-law, son and husband.
  • For the long bath I took as my son and husband napped this afternoon.

I’m also grateful to be blogging/writing again. This is freeing. I hope all the women out there know how cherished and special we are. We are in this together. We all need connection and each other. Not having a child doesn’t mean you’re not a mom or nurturer to someone. We are loved!


2018 — May 10, 2019


Somehow I managed to fall off the blog map for an entire year. I used to love to write. I think 2018 just got away from me. Let me catch you up:

  • Continued raising our now 2 year old (what?!)
  • Lost a cat (died from lymphoma)
  • Moved/bought a new house
  • Took a new job and left a job of 19 yrs
  • Lost new job (recently – budget cuts)
  • Became a stay-at-home mom and working with the hubs as a freelancer

Needless to say, it’s been a whirlwind. After we moved last year (about 10 months ago) I hit a wall of sorts. It was such an adjustment for me. I grieved my old house, job, friends, and being close to family. It was so hard. Now, with my current job situation, I’m in that flux again. I’m riding the wave of uncertainty and partying with the grief monster. Grieving more change…


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