Thursday — May 23, 2019

Thursday

Went to the pool today with a new friend and splashed around with the kids. It was fun. How often do you allow yourself to have fun? I’m not so good at it, but I’m getting better. I used to associate fun with being unproductive or irresponsible, but once you have a kid…fun is a necessity.

PLAY is such a release. I don’t think we ever realize how much we need it until we deprive ourselves of it. One time I came home from work and sat under the kitchen table with my kid. We tore up paper and threw it up in the air. Sounds messy, but isn’t life in general messy? I would rather have fun making a mess I know I can clean up instead of fixating on the mess that is life and know that I can’t clean it up.

Take away: Have fun! Play. Find the inner kid in you this summer and embrace them.

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Mother’s Day — May 12, 2019

Mother’s Day

This used to be a hard day for me. Still is in some ways. I remember thinking how cool it would be to announce that I’m pregnant on Mother’s Day. But year after year I wasn’t. At church this morning they prayed for all the women (new moms, moms of teens, moms who have lost children, caretakers of moms, desiring to be a mom). Tears rolled down my cheeks as I held out my hands to receive the blessing. Our fertility journey was a hard time in our lives and motherhood holds it’s own challenges. But I’m grateful for the following:

  • Being with my mom this morning as we ran to the bagel store and coffeeshop before anyone else was awake in the house.
  • Seeing my 2-year old run out of his room with a Lionel Richie t-shirt with my Mother’s Day card in his hands.
  • For church. The message this morning was phenomenal! https://subsplash.com/discovery/messages
  • Floating in the pool with my neighbors, mother-in-law, son and husband.
  • For the long bath I took as my son and husband napped this afternoon.

I’m also grateful to be blogging/writing again. This is freeing. I hope all the women out there know how cherished and special we are. We are in this together. We all need connection and each other. Not having a child doesn’t mean you’re not a mom or nurturer to someone. We are loved!

MDay_2019_Lionel

2018 — May 10, 2019

2018

Somehow I managed to fall off the blog map for an entire year. I used to love to write. I think 2018 just got away from me. Let me catch you up:

  • Continued raising our now 2 year old (what?!)
  • Lost a cat (died from lymphoma)
  • Moved/bought a new house
  • Took a new job and left a job of 19 yrs
  • Lost new job (recently – budget cuts)
  • Became a stay-at-home mom and working with the hubs as a freelancer

Needless to say, it’s been a whirlwind. After we moved last year (about 10 months ago) I hit a wall of sorts. It was such an adjustment for me. I grieved my old house, job, friends, and being close to family. It was so hard. Now, with my current job situation, I’m in that flux again. I’m riding the wave of uncertainty and partying with the grief monster. Grieving more change…

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Long time — December 1, 2017

Long time

My husband asked me last night if I’d written for my blog recently. As you can see, it’s been a while. It’s been 3 months. What can I say, life is happening. I now have a 7 month old. I feel like I need to pinch myself. Still blows my mind that I have a son and that he’s already 7 months! As for me, it’s a daily–no hourly challenge to stay present. I find myself jumping ahead to think through pumping sessions, feeding times, and future milestones/transitions and how it all works. There’s so much “they” tell you and so much “they” don’t.

Being a parent is an awesome responsibility. With it comes a constant knot in your stomach that asks all day long “am I doing the right thing?”

Then there’s the pure joy you get when your kid smiles at you. Nothing can compare.

adjusting — September 1, 2017

adjusting

Life changes after you have a baby. I’ve spent 37 years of my life without a child and then everything changed. EVERYTHING. It’s incredible and challenging all at the same time.

Before I had a baby, I was a daughter, sister, friend, and wife. “Mother” has been added to that list. Amazing. But the definition of those former terms has changed. I’m not the daughter I once was…now I’m a mom so I lean on my mom for something new, parenting advice. My sister is no longer just my sister, she’s now an aunt to my child. I still have friends and my friends still have me, but now my baby trumps all interactions with them. Being a wife has changed the most. Marriage changes after a baby. It’s tough remembering how to be a partner to your significant other when this child is the center of our world. It takes work, but work worth doing.

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15 — August 1, 2017

15

So the tater tot is 3.5 months old. People always say “time flies”, but it’s a little too fast for me. He is growing so quickly. I love seeing him thrive, but a small part of me wants time to stand still. Some milestones:

  • size 2 diapers
  • smiling and laughing (the best)
  • picking his head up
  • creeping (crawling on belly)
  • outgrown all newborn clothes
  • mommy got mastitis (no fun)

That last one just happened. Nursing is the best but continues to be challenging especially now with the infection. Hoping/praying it heals quickly. My tot has been pretty patient with me. Dylan is our little miracle man and watching him grow and change every day is such a gift.

changing times — June 10, 2017

changing times

I can’t believe it’s already the 10th of June. Hard to imagine going back to work, but I’ll be doing just that in a few weeks. It’s going to be tough leaving my little tot, but so relieved that he’ll be in good hands, my husband’s. It took some number crunching, soul searching and praying to come to this decision, but we’re so grateful that our son will be raised by us. Hubs becoming a full time dad and freelance designer/consultant is a step out in faith. We know God will provide. However, change – all this change: becoming a parent (baby arriving early), having surgery (unplanned c-section), hubs leaving his job, and me going back to work is weighing on me a bit. It’s all flying by so fast and it’s so hard to believe that baby D will be 2 months old next week! I’m still exclusively nursing and hope to continue when I go back to work (pumping). It’s a challenge I’m determined to tackle and hope that God will continue to provide in that area as well. It’s such a gift to nourish your child. As challenging as it is, I never thought I’d enjoy it so much, but I really do.

How do you cope with change (good and bad)? What do you love and hate about it?

time flies when baby cries — May 28, 2017

time flies when baby cries

I can’t believe Dylan will be 6 weeks old on Monday. I guess time flies when you’re not sleeping much. We’ve had a few longer nights, but for the most part we wake up at midnight, 2-3am and 5-6am for diaper change and feeding almost every night. We had one night where he slept for almost 5 hours. It was awesome, but when you’re nursing you have to wake up regardless to pump.

I learn, fail and grow every day. Parenting is hard. Nothing you hear or read can fully prepare you for it. It’s also the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had. Although I’m not spending as much quiet time with the Lord reading my bible and writing in my journal, I feel God carrying and sustaining me daily. The other night was tough. Dylan had gas and I tried giving him gripe water. He ended up choking and then spitting up. It was scary and resulted in very little sleep. Poor Dylan. Poor us. The next morning I had planned on going to a breastfeeding class and was worried that if I went I’d collapse from exhaustion. But I’m so glad I went because it was great. I got to spend time with a friend and learn more about feeding my baby while feeding my baby. That day was very fulfilling and productive. We must have done 10 loads of laundry. God gave us the strength to get through.

Due Date — May 11, 2017

Due Date

SoĀ today is my due date, but the boy decided to come a bit early šŸ™‚

Introducing Dylan Thomas:

DTD

My water broke on Holy Saturday and he arrived the day after Easter. It was the best 35 hours of my life. Bringing this kid into the world is something I will never forget. It feltĀ surreal. I was emotional, excited and terrified. IĀ stalled out at 7cm and eventually they decided a C-section was the best way to go. So here he came, 6lbs 12oz and 21in long. He was beautiful. I cried as they showed him to us through the sheet and then placed him on my chest. He is our little miracle man.

Dylan just turned 3 weeks old and every day hasĀ been an adventure. We had a jaundice scare, our first visit to the ER and lots of nursing. Nursing has been the hardest part for me. It’s so hard to know if you’re feeding your kid enough and if you’re doing enough for them. I’ve already had a few mini breakdowns on days where he cluster feeds. But all in all, it’s the best job in the world. I definitely question whether or not I can keep it up. It’s exhausting. But God gives meĀ strength, minute by minute and I hold on to that.

turtle time — April 9, 2017

turtle time

Here’s the lowdown on week 35:17796188_10155606236478797_2564839688165443975_n

  • cramps
  • crying (happy, sad, doesn’t matter)
  • peeing at least 3 times a night
  • hemorrhoids
  • can’t reach my toes
  • swollen feet, ankles, fingers
  • fuller face
  • I want to eat the world

I am officially a waddling woman. I also feel like I have a lot in common with turtles that have been flipped over on their shells. I have to roll myself out of bed, the car, couch, etc. I call it “turtle time!” On the positive side, I’m getting excited to meet our baby boy. God has given me the gift of the present and staying in it is what’s keeping me calm. I’m also grateful to my husband for all the prep he’s been doing. It takes a huge amount of stress off me and the baby. Baby…it’s crazy to think that we only have a month to go. Amazing…

 

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